


Hiding Behind the Screen

by etoilune



Series: HBTS [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: AU, College, College AU, M/M, Tumblr, Tumblr AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-18
Updated: 2014-12-30
Packaged: 2017-12-26 23:31:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 26
Words: 15,651
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/971569
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/etoilune/pseuds/etoilune
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Started with a Tumblr prompt from supermishamiga. I started to write it, people showed interest, so here you are!(◡‿◡✿)</p><p>Prompt: "Destiel AU where Dean and Cas are two tumblr bloggers who fall in love.</p><p>Dean loves to submit to Cas"</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

_“It’s not that I love him, I just... really like him.”_ Castiel sat in front of his computer with his favourite blog on the screen. _“I don’t know how to say it, that’s all.”_ His frown deepened. There was no way that sonofapie liked him. No way. At all.

So it was quite annoying that Cas couldn’t stop himself from feeling that way about him. Only God knew why, because Cas definitely didn’t know, but he did feel that way, and that was that.

He clicked on the small ‘Ask’ button and poised his lean fingers above the keys, ready to type, but then froze. What could he type? There was no words, and there was no way he could do anything. Okay? Not a chance.

He checked the Anonymous box before starting to type.

_Hey, uh... I just wanted to say, you’re my favourite blog._

He clicked the ask button before he changed his mind and freaked out.

* * * * *

Dean scrolled through his Dashboard, not really paying attention to any of the posts there. He’d had an awful day, and not even Tumblr could cure him today. He refreshed, praying for some good posts – then noticed a number next to his inbox. The number 1.

He’d never actually got an ask before. Not a proper one – just spam and people asking him to listen to their band or vote for them in a poll or something. Never something that was actually personal to him. He clicked on it with low expectations, then let a small smile escape his full lips when he saw it was actually something good for once. His eyes crinkled at the edges as he smiled, reading the words once, then twice, then three times; over and over again until he’d memorised the message. He lowered his gaze to the sender – they were anonymous.

_Thanks. I appreciate it._

What could he write, really? There wasn’t much he could say. He didn’t have time, anyway – Dean wanted to check his own favourite blog. He typed the URL into the bar and grinned fully when he saw him. There was wingsofanangel with his beautiful blue eyes and pink lips. Surely... if someone could send him an anonymous ask, then he was brave enough to do it himself? He opened the ask box.

_Uh... you’re beautiful._

God, there was no way he could send that. He went to press backspace, then hit the enter key by accident, swearing under his breath. “Shit.” What the hell was wingsofanangel going to think of him now? At least it was anonymous.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dean is at sonofap1e.tumblr.com and Castiel is at angelwingsphotography.tumblr.com, in case you were wondering! As of today (17/06/14) I haven't done much on them, especially Castiel's, but over summer I'm going to take some pictures to fill that one with.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The URLs I used for Dean and Cas are taken on Tumblr, so what do you think I should do - change them in the story, or use different ones just for !you to find them on Tumblr" purposes? Vote here: http://poll.pollcode.com/56369  
> Thank you all so much for your feedback! It makes me happy to wake up and read your comments or see new kudos :') Also, I'll hopefully be updating this daily. Short chapter this time, but I have a few typed up and they're all pretty short so sorry :D

A tiny red number appeared next to the envelope icon, and Cas clicked on it, unsure of what to expect. The only person he'd really spoken to over anon was Naomi, and, well, as much as he didn't like to act horribly, she was a bitch.   
He read the words in front of him, black and white on the screen yet multicoloured in his vision, dancing before his eyes. Someone thought he - he, just Castiel, plain old Castiel - was beautiful. Him. Beautiful.  
A faint blush spread over his cheeks and he raised his hands again, ready to reply to the anonymous asker.   
Suddenly a loud noise came from downstairs, most likely the front door opening, and he hastily shut the lid of the laptop, almost tripping over the chair in his rush to crawl into bed and cover his pale, half-clothed body with the duvet before his bedroom door swung open and a (very drunk) Gabriel was stumbling into the room.   
"Hey C-Cassie, you awake?" he slurred into the darkness which was cut in two by a thin strip of light from the doorway. Cas shut his eyes, breathing slowly, not wanting his brother to know he was conscious. It would only make things worse.  
"Fine, b-be a sp-spoilsport," his brother whined before falling into his own bed, fully clothed. The smell of alcohol reached Castiel from across the room, sharply penetrating his nostrils.  
 _I can't reply to my ask,_ Cas realised as he tried to sleep. _I need to reply to my-_    
He was asleep before he knew it, gently snoring. It had been a long day.  
  
* * * * *  
  
It had been an hour. An hour of Dean seemingly endlessly refreshing the page, waiting for the beautiful face to reply. Waiting for a sign that his efforts hadn't been in vain and that he'd finally been accepted by someone, but there was nothing. It wasn't until Sam came home, two hours after that, that Dean reluctantly logged off his brother's laptop and climbed into bed to get his four hours of sleep.  
 _Well... I guess that's it,_ he thought, rolling over. _I probably scared him off. Of course I scared him off. I was too forward._  
It frustrated Dean to know that the person behind the blog he knew so well hadn't replied, not purely because of the (not that he would admit it) crush he had on him, but other things too. Like the fact that wingsofanangel appeared to be online still, or logged in at least. All Dean knew was that the mystery person was from Vancouver. That's it. And he'd only found that out from looking at the visitor page for the person's blog, but he wasn't a stalker. Not Dean. Definitely not. He just... liked him. A lot.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I didn't upload yesterday! I was banned from my computer D: So this is the first of two updates for today.

_One of my followers?_  
Castiel had exactly one hundred and seventy three followers. Not huge amounts like some other blogs, but more than quite a few out there. He didn't want the popularity to be honest, after all, he only posted his own photography and occasionally reblogged some heroic moments from The Avengers or a surprising deduction from Sherlock in the BBC show. He'd rather have series three of that than hundreds of followers.  
He wasn't a bad photographer at all, but the nineteen year old sat there wondering why people liked his pictures. They were always close-ups, slightly blurred on purpose, allowing the viewer to pick out an outline of a nose or the contour of a cheek or the delicate edge of a flower petal. He admired his own work, admired how a sleek black machine could capture nature's finest in such detail and reproduce the fibres in front of his eyes.  
 _One of my followers. That narrows it down._ He snorted. This was going to be harder than he anticipated.  
Not that he minded - he always loved a challenge, and this one could be likened to the deerstalker-wearing detective having to solve another case. Yes, he liked that.  
So. Followers. He hovered the cursor over the followers button and clicked.   
 _WWSD - what would Sherlock do?_  
He copy and pasted his full list of followers from start to finish into Microsoft Word. _I can eliminate- who can I eliminate? Okay, that's Jess. It wouldn't be Jess, no way. Or Meg._  
He highlighted them in red, so he knew they weren't possible. 2 down, 171 to go. How hard could it be?  
  
* * * * *  
  
"Dean, what are you doing?"   
"Uh- research."  
"You? Research?" Sam laughed, a deep hearty chuckle that filled the room. "I need my laptop to check my email."  
"Hang on. I just want to do something-" Dean had, ahem, borrowed Sam's camera and taken a chance to snap a shot of his brother sleeping. Just like wingsofanangel did. The exact style, with one difference. Dean made sure a rose was positioned in the image, picked from the overgrown forest of a garden outside but neatly pruned and placed lovingly in the windowsill. It was still in the background of the shot - hardly visible, but still there. If you knew to look for it.  
"What, look at more anime porn?"  
"No, uh... something else."  
Sam rolled his eyes. "Fine. Five minutes."  
Five minutes was more than enough time for Dean to open his favourite blog from his bookmarks bar, click on submit, and put the picture into the box. He wasn't going to add a caption but the appeal of some consistency with the anonymous asks and submits leaped out at him, so he added a simple ' _-D_ '.  
It wasn't until he sent it that he realised he might just have given more away than he ever intended to. _Crap._


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Second update for today...

The image of a sleeping man filled his azure irises, complete with the caption:  
  
 _-D._  
  
Who was the mysterious D? He opened up the word document again and highlighted all the URLs beginning with D in dark blue. Then, after a little consideration, he went through the list and highlighted the URLs that had an owner beginning with a D. Having a photographic memory helped sometimes - and it was a good joke to tell on his personal statement when he was applying to university for a Photography major.  
One of the things a photographic memory didn't help with was attempting to forget, even when you wanted to forget. Especially when you wanted to forget.   
Of course, there was nothing to say that the anonymous asks and submits had come from the same person. He'd been getting the submits for a while now, a month maybe, and the asks had only started yesterday - so they were probably different people after all.  
He decided to go onto his favourite blog to cheer him up. Sonofapie always had the same effect on him.  
Scrolling through the posts, he saw nothing more than the usual, but the usual was enough to put a smile on his face in the midst of the misery. For Castiel, home wasn't home at the moment, and he wanted nothing more than to move out, get a student flat or something, anything, as long as he was away from here. A new start with a new roommate was just what he needed, so he'd applied to the student association and was just waiting for their reply. With any luck, he'd be able to move out within a week.  
His inbox lit up again and his eyes did the same - he was almost sure it was D again, sending him a message that would be-  
Oh. Just junk.  
Never mind. It didn't matter, right? Of course it didn't. D was just some person from the internet who occasionally sent Cas messages and submitted things. No-one important.  
So why was Castiel suddenly so bothered?  
  
* * * * *  
  
Dean bit down on his fingernails, the air tense with suspense as he waited to see if his submission would be allowed or not. Maybe he'd get a reply with it, something sweet, something that would make him smile for the rest of the day.  
He forced himself to go and grab a beer while he was waiting, then make a sandwich. He needed to do at least something to get him away from the screen of the laptop due to the fact that he'd been staring at it all night. He didn't care much for how bad it was for his health, he just wanted a reply and he was worried that if he left the chair for more than two seconds, he'd miss the reply or the submission or whatever he was waiting for now. It was lucky Sam had gone out.   
But he had to do something. Surely making a sandwich was better than sitting there for a little longer? He took his sandwich to his chair, though, and refreshed again. _There it was!_ It was hard to hide his excitement - hang on... Dean Winchester doesn't do excited, or have crushes, or send anonymous asks, or stare longingly at pictures of men from God knows where. It seemed like a lot had changed.  
 _Okay, another ask. What should I put this time?_  
After some consideration, he typed:  
  
 _Hey. I, uh... I missed you. -D_  
  
What the hell was that? No way could he put that. He was Dean Winchester and this wasn't some stupid chick fli- _oops._  
In his fit of disbelief, he'd knocked the keyboard. To be specific, the enter key.  
Apparently, this was a chick flick.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm in Year 11 (Grade 10) and I have so many exams to prepare for, so from now on, this will be updated every Monday. Thank you for reading and sorry for the wait!

"Hi, uh... can I speak to Sam Winchester please?"  
"Speaking. Who's this?"  
"The Student Association gave me this number to call for you? I'm Castiel, I'll be your roommate."  
"Oh, hey, Castiel! I was going to phone you later-"  
"Would a later time be more appropriate for you?"  
"No, no, now's fine. Do you know which apartment we got yet? They wouldn't tell me."  
"Me either... I'm sure we'll find out soon enough."  
"Do- do you want to grab a coffee or something later? Better to meet before we move in together, right?"  
"Sure, I guess. Say around four at The Coffee Pot?"  
"Yeah, see you then."  
"How do I know who to look for?"  
"Uh... You'll know which one I am. Trust me."  
Cas put the phone down, sighing with relief. Finally, he could get away from the place that definitely hadn't been home, not for a few years now. And on top of that, he had an excuse to go out later. The place they'd arranged to meet at; The Coffee Pot, was a cute little cafe on campus. It was run by a middle-aged blonde woman, Ellen, with her daughter Jo Helping out when she wasn't overrun with her studies to be a psychologist. Castiel could often be found there, especially in the mornings before class when he needed a little extra boost of energy to be able to stay awake. His daily café miel was always just that little bit sweeter with a just a sprinkling more of cinnamon and just a drop more of honey. Jo knew he liked it that way - just like he liked life, sweet, frothy, and a little over the top.   
  
* * *  
  
"Sam? Where you going?" Sam was just about to step out of the door when Dean stopped him with a questioning tone.   
"Uh... nowhere."  
"Clearly it's somewhere."  
"It's nothing, really."  
"Is it a girl? Christ Sammy, you know I'm not one to get all protective- well, maybe I am, but I don't object to you getting out every so often."  
"It- it's not a girl, okay?"  
"Fine. Don't tell me." Dean turned away, his face plastered with a a hurt expression "I've only taken care of you since you were a baby, I don't need to know."  
What the hell was Sam up to?  
  
* * *  
  
Castiel waited for his new roommate anxiously, worried about what he'd be like; whether he was nice; what he was majoring in; what-  
A very tall man walked through the door. He was pretty in his own way, with a glossy mane of light brown hair that desperately needed a cut but still managed to look good, dressed in a worn plaid shirt and jeans, his eyes roaming as if he was searching for someone. His eyes settled on another man across the bar, he went to speak to him and then turned around again. Was it Sam?   
He strode over to Cas, who smiled, wanting to make a good impression if it was.   
"Castiel? Castiel Novak?"  
"Yes. Sam?"  
"Yeah, that's me, it's good to meet you!" He enclosed Cas' hand in a sturdy handshake and sat down across the table. After he'd ordered coffee (mocha with two sugars and no cinnamon, Cas noted for future reference), he intertwined his fingers together, his elbows on the table, and rested his head on the top of his hands.  
"What's your major?" Cas asked, eager to know more about Sam.  
"Photography. You?"  
"The same." He couldn't help a grin escaping knowing that the man he would be living with shared his passion for the camera.   
"Favourite camera?"  
"Nikon D4."  
"What- you have one?"  
"Uh... yes."  
"They're like, six thousand dollars! And that's without lenses!"  
"My parents purchased it for me when I was just getting into the hobby. They're quite wealthy in terms of money."  
"Why are you looking for a roommate? God, you could probably afford a house!"  
"My family and me, we don't particularly get on. Since Michael's success in the entertainment field, things have changed at home."  
"Michael- Michael Novak? The producer? The film producer? It crossed my mind, what with your unusual surname but I didn't think for one second that Michael Novak's son would need a roommate-"  
"I'd rather not be his son, if I was completely honest."  
Castiel and Sam spoke for hours, ordering coffee after coffee until the place was practically empty save for the pair. Cas had a feeling they'd get on just fine.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Early update! The reason for this is because I decided on a blog name for Castiel. Find him at angelwingsphotography.tumblr.com! This is an appeal for photographers: if any of you could take photos for me that fit 'Castiel's style' then please send them to angelwingsphotography@hotmail.co.uk and I'll promo you on my personal Tumblr as a way to say thank you. The asks will also be set up on Dean and Cas' blogs when I decide on a URL for Dean!  
> Thanks again for reading; your comments make me smile. <3

_I missed you too._  
  
 _This reminded me of you. -D_  
  
 _*blushes*_  
  
 _I'll bet you're cute when you blush -D_  
  
 _I am not!_  
  
 _But I think you would be -D_  
  
 _Who are you?_  
  
 _One day at a time, sugar -D_  
  
 _Please?_  
  
 _Sorry honey -D_  
  
 _What's with the nicknames all of a sudden?_  
  
 _Don't you like them? -D_  
  
 _Trust me, I like them, they just seemed to come out of nowhere._  
  
 _I don't know. -D_  
  
 _I have to go now, I'm moving into a new apartment._  
  
 _Have fun... I'll speak to you soon -D_  
  
 _You too <3_  
  
* * *  
  
Sam was still gone when wingsofanangel had to go, meaning Dean had a little time left for some anime.  
It didn't have the same effect as usual - he felt disappointed, somehow, that his crush had had to go, but then obviously he had a life besides flirting with Dean all day on Tumblr.   
  
* * *  
  
"So if we put the couch here, then we can move the TV over there against the wall and the bookcase into the corner-"  
"Or we can put the couch over here, then put the TV in the corner and the bookcase next to it-"  
"Or we can attempt to fit the couch in this space here then have the TV over there and the bookcase next to the couch-"  
"God, so many decisions," Sam smiled tiredly, falling back onto the couch askew in the middle of the room with a thump. "Why don't I just get my brother to do all of this crap? I wouldn't admit it in front of him but he's stronger than I am and he wouldn't admit it but he has a good sense for interior design."  
"That would be great."  
"I'll see if he can come over tomorrow afternoon while we're at class; that way we can start bringing out stuff in when we're done with the lecture."  
"Perfect." Cas collapsed next to Sam, leaning his head back and stretching his pale neck out.  
  
* * *  
  
Dean went to bed early that night. Sam was still gone and there was really nothing he could do, so going to sleep seemed best for it. Before he climbed under the warm duvet, he opened his favourite blog again and clicked on the ask box.  
  
 _Uh... something for you to wake up to.... you have beautiful eyes. And hair. And you're mainly just beautiful, okay? -D_  
  
* * *  
  
"Where's Gabe?" Cas questioned loudly when he walked into his bedroom and Gabriel was nowhere to be seen, his side of the room tidy.  
"Come here, I'm not shouting up the stairs!" Michael's deep baritone rumbled throughout the house, and Cas obeyed the instruction.  
"Where is he?"  
"Rehab."  
"Rehab?"  
"You know as well as everyone else does that he had a problem. He needs to sort himself out, it's not fair on us. Do you want to share a room with an alcoholic until you move out?"  
"About that... I'm moving in a few days."  
"What?"  
"I'm, uh, moving in a few days-"  
"Where?"  
"An apartment on campus-"  
"Who with?"  
"His name's Sam, he's really nice-"  
"When?"  
"I told you, a few days-"  
"Why?"  
"I just.... I need my own space, okay? I can't live here forever."  
"And how are you going to be able to afford rent? Food? Bills? These things cost money, you know, and if you're moving out I'm not going to supply you forever."  
"I have my trust fund for emergencies, but I have a job."  
"You? A job?"  
"Yes, actually, at a coffee shop on campus. I've been working there for a week but you clearly didn't notice."  
"The pay's probably awful."  
"Well maybe it is, but it's better than scrounging from you my whole life!"  
"I have done nothing but support you, young man! If you want to move out so much, then why don't you go now?"  
"Maybe I will! I'll be back tomorrow for all my things."  
"I look forward to it immensely."


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter, sorry D: I'm packing for Belgium today, but after I'm going to write some more, so there should be an update before I leave on Friday. <3

When Castiel opened his eyes the next morning and tiredly stretched his aching limbs, he was in his new apartment alone. Although it was the longest he'd slept in a while due to not being awoken by an intoxicated Gabe, he still felt awful. Quickly checking his phone told him it was 9am - Michael would be at work by now, so he managed to get up from the couch and drag himself to his family's house to get his things. No-one was in, luckily, and it didn't take long for Cas to pack everything up into two large suitcases, as most of his belongings were in the apartment already. He hailed a cab and when he got back to the apartment, he put his cases down before opening the door to what would be his bedroom.  
A smile spread across his face. Finally, he was free.  
  
* * *  
  
Dean sat in the Impala, his eyes trained on the apartment block in front of him. After watching Sam leave multiple times without telling Dean where he was going or even that he was going, Dean had decided it was time to know where his little brother was. It was his job to keep Sam safe, and although he probably didn't need to be aware of his location at all times, it was what kept him sleeping soundly at night. What the hell was Sammy doing in an apartment block?  
  
* * *  
  
"Castiel?" Sam's deep voice trailed through the apartment to Castiel's room.  
"Hello, Sam." He hurried to the front door, running a hand through his tousled hair tiredly.  
"Why are you here?"  
"I moved in early."  
"Why?"  
"Uh... family problems. Nothing short of the usual."  
"Okay." Sam wasn't one to pry, Castiel could tell that already. "I don't want you to be here alone... I'll move in too, okay? I just have to tell my brother, then I can get the rest of my stuff-"  
"Your brother doesn't know?"  
"Uh, no."  
"Why?" It was Castiel's turn to be inquisitive.  
"Me and him, we've lived together ever since our father died.... Mom died when I was a baby. House fire. Dad was never the same, and then one day it just happened. I'll go tell Dean now."  
"Dean?"  
"My brother."  
  
* * *  
  
Upon watching Sam exit the building, Dean drove home hastily, making sure his car didn't invade Sam's vision at all.  
Sam got home a few minutes after Dean.  
"Dean, I, uh... I have something to tell you."  
"What?"  
"I'm moving, uh, to an apartment block on campus-"  
"What the hell?"  
"It's closer to, uh, my classes, and my room mate is really nice, and-"  
"You're moving?"  
"Yeah."  
"You're just gonna up and leave?"  
"Uh, yeah."  
"You're gonna leave me alone? What the hell, Sammy?"  
"We can't live together forever, someday you're gonna get a girlfriend and you'll get married and have kids-"  
"But what about right now? What am I supposed to do?"  
"You'll figure something out, Dean. You always do." Sam's voice softened.  
"The hell I will! Just- just go."  
Sam, knowing this was his cue to leave, went to his room and started packing the remainder of his things into cardboard boxes he'd got from the dumpster.   
That night, Dean drowned his sorrows the only way he knew how - in alcohol. Lots of alcohol.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just finished 9x01 (I couldn't livestream it as it was on at 2am in the UK and I had school today) and I'm in tears ;_; Plus I got back from Ypres (Belgium) on Monday which was amazing, so I'm tired and feel like Death :c  
> Have fun with the chapter! <3

_Sorry I haven't been online for a while. I just moved in to my new apartment. But thanks, even though you're a liar._  
  
 _You are beautiful, trust me -D_  
  
 _I'm not._  
  
 _You are -D_  
  
 _Stop it._  
  
 _Not until you admit you are -D_  
  
 _It feels like I have to say yes to the Devil or something. I'm not._  
  
 _Fine, let me know when you're ready to agree -D_  
  
* * *  
  
Dean, having hustled enough pool to buy himself his own laptop now his source of internet had moved out, was back on his favourite blog. Without fail, whatever mood he was in, he knew wingsofanangel could make him smile again. Every time he got a reply to one of his anons, every time his submissions were accepted, every time he posted a new picture... it was what made Dean happy.  
One day, though, wingsofanangel had reblogged something that had made Dean smile wider than usual - it was one of those stupid "get to know the blogger" things that went round every so often, that everyone filled out but no-one paid attention to, and his favourite blog had filled one out.  
The other information was fun, sure, but there was one particular question that jumped out at Dean.  
  
 _Do you have a crush on anyone right now?_  
  
Oh God. He'd replied yes. He had a crush on someone. And what were the chances it was a crush on Dean? None, probably. Maybe there was the tiniest chance there, but not anything huge. There was no way his favourite blog had a crush on him. No way in hell.  
That wasn't to say Dean had to stop 'talking' (or whatever this was) to the blog, because he knew he wasn't going to be able to bring himself to stop. So what if Dean had a huge crush on them? It didn't mean he wouldn't get over them, like he did with Lisa and Pamela and everyone else. Of course he'd get over wingsofanangel. It was a given - like a car without an engine won't run, or Sam Winchester looks like a moose. Just something that was there, an unquestionable thing that would never change.  
Besides, Dean Winchester didn't do long term. His idea of dating was a month maximum, even if Lisa had been more like six. He didn't do that any more. Didn't want to do that anymore. Maybe if the right person-  
Dean Winchester still didn't do long term. For anyone.  
 _Yet._  
  
* * *  
  
Castiel accepted yet another submission from ' _-D'_. He hadn't been able to rule anyone else out yet, but he figured he must be getting closer to ruling more people off of the list. It couldn't go on forever, could it?  
It had been a mistake, answering that question earlier. He couldn't erase it now, he was sure too many people had seen it for him to "change his mind". What- what if sonofapie had seen it? He typed the URL and hit enter.  
  
 _Meet the Blogger:_  
  
He'd done one too... the same one as Castiel had filled out earlier. And his answer for that question was the same.  
  
 _Do you have a crush on anyone right now?_  
 _Yes._  
  
It was all he could do to blink the tears away. There was absolutely no chance that his favourite blog had a crush on him. He was just- just Castiel, just another photographer. Nothing special. Not really.  
But there was hope. Statistically, it was just as likely to have been him than another person behind a screen.   
Statistically. Logically. That was the only way Castiel could think about it, because if he started thinking with his heart, he knew, deep down, that it couldn't and wouldn't be true.  
  
* * *  
  
"So, Sammy, when do I get to meet your roommate?"  
Dean had softened up slightly, even being his stubborn self, and on Sam's fifty-seventh try at phoning him, he had picked up.  
"Soon. I barely know the guy myself yet - let him settle in."  
"Okay."  
"I miss you, Dean."  
Dean hung up and tossed the phone onto his bed.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Special magical before school chapter because I can update straight from my new phone c:  
> Also, this is the one you've been waiting for but probably not in the way you've been waiting for it.

"When do I get to meet your brother?"

"Uh... soon, I guess. He wants to meet you too."

"Okay." Castiel smiled and lifted his beloved camera to his eye, snapping pictures of the butterfly hovering in the sharp autumn air. Sam turned and chose to use a daisy for his subject - although Dean would never admit it, daisies were his favourite type of flower. Sam, like the smaller man next to him, had a distinctive photography style, but one that was very different to that of his roommate. He preferred sharp outlines, defined shapes, geometric patterns. In everyday life, everything was made up of atoms - every single thing composed of one single shape. He wanted to capture that with his images, and he did.

Castiel sighed as he lowered his camera, kneeling in the grass to examine a daisy that grew away from the rest. A lone daisy with no-one to care for it, except Castiel. He bent closer to the flower and stroked one of the petals before edging in some shots of it, his familiar style, then he caressed the petals once more before straightening up and standing next to Sam once more.

Sam had been too busy taking his own photographs to notice what Castiel was doing, but he turned with a lopsided grin. "How does tonight sound?"

"For what?"

"Meeting Dean."

"That sounds fine."

"Good!" Sam threw his arms around Castiel, who was surprised with the sudden display of affection and stiffened, but then relaxed and enclosed his roommate in a gentle hug of his own.

 

* * * 

 

"How're you doing, Dean?"

"I- I'm okay. Sammy moved out."

"What? When? Why?"

"You heard me. Last week. God knows."

"Dean, honey... I'm sorry."

"Sorry ain't gonna bring him back, Ellen." His throat had suddenly turned dry and he swallowed. 

"Don't you have another girlfriend?"

"Uh... not exactly..."

"Oh, so Dean Winchester has a crush?"

"I can barely believe it either-"

"Who's the lucky girl?"

"No-one."

"Dean Winchester likes no-one now?"

"Shut up with all this Dean Winchester crap!"

"Dean Winchester!"

"Okay, okay, sorry. That wasn't necessary."

"You bet your ass it wasn't!"

"G'bye, Ellen."

"See ya, kid."

Ellen was like the mother Dean had lost in a fire when he was a kid. Not a replacement, no way, but a little thing to fill the gap slightly. It helped. So did wingsofanangel.

 

_Hey -D_

_Good afternoon._

_You okay? -D_

_Yes, I'm fine thank you._

_What're you doing? -D_

_My roommate's bringing his brother over. I'm getting dressed._

Oh God. That face taking his shirt off and slipping out of his jeans and running a pale hand through his dark hair and-

_Shut up._

_That's strange... -D_

_What?_

_Nothing. -D_

Surely it was just a coincidence that while wingsofanangel was meeting his roommate's brother, Dean was meeting his brother's roommate? There was no way Dean had that much luck. 

No way.

 

_I have to go now, speak soon -D_

_Goodbye._

 

* * *

 

Dean knocked on the door wearing the same thing he'd been wearing earlier - obligatory rock band shirt and well-worn jeans. Oddly, he was nervous. He didn't know why; there was no basis for him to be nervous, really, and it wasn't as if it was anything big. He wasn't planning on staying for long anyway.

Sam opened the door to his brother, snorting when he saw the clothing choice. "Honestly! You could have dressed up a little."

"Bitch," Dean muttered as he walked through the doorway past Sam (who, if you said was just slightly more formally dressed it would be an understatement).

"Jerk."

"Why are you all suited up?"

"I want to make a nice impression on Castiel, okay? Just a nice dinner."

"Yeah, okay. Sure."

 

* * *

 

Castiel straightened his tie once more, inhaling deeply and exhaling slowly. 

_Come on, Castiel. You can do this. It's only your roommate's brother. What's the worst that can happen?_

He opened his bedroom door and walked out.

 

* * *

 

Dean remained standing as he watched one of the doors open. When the comfortable shoes poked out from the doorway, he let his eyes traveled up the body.

_Not gay, Dean. Snap out of it._

It was when he saw his face that Dean's problems started.

 

* * *

 

Castiel strode over to Sam's brother. "Are you okay?" Sam's brother looked like he was about to choke on air.

 

* * *

 

_Oh God, oh God, he's speaking, and his voice is perfect and his body is perfect and his hair is perfect and-_

"Y- yeah, I'm fine."

"Are you sure?" he had the sort of puppy dog, azure blue eyes that were one of a kind.

"Yeah, I- I guess."

"Sam, I- I just remembered I left the oven on, I have to-" he turned around and vanished straight out of the door.

 

* * *

 

"God, I'm sorry about him," Sam buried his face in his hands, mortified. "I thought for once he could be normal, you know?"

"My brothers are strange, too. It doesn't matter, I'm sure I'll meet him another day."

"Yeah, maybe."

 

* * *

 

Dean did what he always did in situations like this - take a drive with AC/DC for company.

_What the hell am I supposed to do? Yeah, sure, I had a crush on the guy, but how can anything ever happen between us? I wasn't expecting him to just show up like that. I'm straight,right? The straightest guy you'd ever meet. Except I'm in l-_

_Don't say it. No. Dean Winchester doesn't do crushes or cute or romance or any of that stuff, especially not with another guy. No._

* * *

 

"Dean? Where the hell are you? What the hell, man? Why? I don't believe you! You always do this, with- no, you did not meet her? He's just my roommate, why won't you meet him? He's a nice guy, okay? Dean? D-" Sam lowered the phone. "He hung up."

To Castiel, even being able to hear only half the conversation brought back memories.

 

_Castiel, come back right now!_

_You're a shame on the family!_

_You can't change your mind last minute!_

_She's a nice girl, don't lose her over this!_

_You always ruin everything!_

 

Words, screamed down the phone, yelled down the hall, screeched in his ear. Words, nothing but words, yet terrifying, reminiscent of a past he didn't want to be a part of.

"Shit- Castiel? Are you okay?"

Without realising, Castiel had fallen to the floor, his eyes glaciers full of tears. 

"I'm sorry about Dean, he's- you don't have to meet him if-"

"It's not Dean. Your brother is... attractive, to say the least."

"Okay, never say that in front of him. Partly cause he'd get an even a bigger head, and partly cause- well, he's not gay, so-"

"Don't worry. I won't."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hated to go the whole traditional "Dean's not gay" route but never mind. Maybe I'll write a different version someday.  
> Don't worry, there's still a lot more to come c;


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey again! You may have noticed I changed my username on here - this was to match my Tumblr URL to make it easier for you guys to find me. Enjoy the update c:

_Anon... are you okay? You haven't messaged me in a week and I'm worried. I just- I just want to know you're okay._

 

Dean shut his laptop calmly, attempting to steady himself with focused breathing, but it didn't work. A surge of rage washed over him like the ocean over sand and he picked the machine up - then threw it at the nearest wall. It shattered and fell to the ground, staring sadly up at the man with his head in his hands.

Although he was upset, the tears that were freely falling from his glassy eyes were expressions of anger. Why- why did everything have to happen to him? Couldn't he just have a small internet thing with someone without it backfiring?

It wasn't that Dean didn't like wingsofanangel (using the URL made it seem less real) but the truth was, he hadn't even contemplated meeting the man at the other side of the screen. Maybe it was for the best, but to Dean, it was just another opportunity to get hurt. 

Besides, what would Sammy say? He didn't even know that Dean had been flirting with anyone - well that was a lie; Dean was always flirting with people, it was just that he usually kept his targets limited to the real life, physical ones. A more accurate statement would be that Sam was unaware that for the past few weeks, Dean had been at first using his laptop and then Dean's own to flirt with someone five years younger than Dean who lived miles away in a different state but was perfect, and beautiful, and talented, and his eyes were even brighter in real life than in pictures, and-

Shut up. Just shut up.

Castiel was too good to feel like that about Dean, so what was the point?

 

* * * 

 

"Sam, you don't need to keep apologising. It's fine, honestly."

"I just feel bad about it..."

"Sam." Castiel placed a steady hand on Sam's shoulder. "In the kindest sense of the phrase, shut up."

"But-"

"Sam." He repeated himself. "Under no account is this your fault."

"Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," he replied, awkwardly rubbing his neck. "Why don't you call Dean, see if he'll come over?"

"Thanks, Castiel." Sam squeezed the older man into an embrace. "I''ll call him, but I have no idea if he'll even pick up." He pulled his phone from his pocket and dialled the all-too-familiar number. Castiel only heard Sam's side of the conversation but it at least sounded a little promising. 

"Dean? Are you okay? It's been a week, dude. Yeah. Yeah, of course. Yeah, he said he wants to meet you. Again. Properly. Why don't you come over? Uh, whenever is good. Sure."

Sam relayed the conversation to Castiel - Dean was coming over in a week, after he'd got a new laptop (apparently his other practically new one had fallen from something high) and sorted a couple things out. It sounded a little suspicious but the roommates went with it, not wanting a repeat of last time.

Castiel sighed. "Sam... please don't hate me for this, but I think I'm attracted to your brother."

"The more the merrier, right? Hey, good luck with it. He could do with someone like you."

Castiel grinned, a rare occurrence that meant he really was truly happy. "Thank you, Sam."

"Uh... the only thing is, I don't think he's gay."

The grin fell from his face, leaving a frown-shaped scar.

 


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really sorry for the long wait; I've had writer's block and I had London Comic Con last Saturday, and homework and the last few days haven't been good for me at all in the sense that I've become emotionally dependant on a stuffed Pokemon and I haven't stopped crying much.  
> Anyway, here's chapter 11, and I hope you like it.

Dean drove into town. Right now, all he wanted was some pie. After he fulfilled his wish, a building in the corner of his eye attracted his attention.

Internet cafe.

Without hesitation he went in, placing his pie carefully on the front seat of the Impala first. Dean sat down in front of one of the computers.

 

_Hey, I, uh- I did something stupid -D_

 

He sent the ask, crossing his fingers for an immediate reply so he could speak to wingsofanangel for a while before he returned home.

That wish came true as well:

 

_Bad stupid or good stupid?_

_Bad stupid -D_

_Do you want to talk to me about it?_

_I'm not sure that's a good idea -D_

_Oh, okay._

_How you doing? -D_

_I'm good, thank you. You?_

_I'm good. Ish -D_

_Why ish?_

_I messed up -D_

_Whatever you did, I'm sure it's fine._

_It's really not -D_

 

Dean waited at least an hour for a reply to pop up, but one never came; he saw it was getting dark outside so he reluctantly logged out of his Tumblr account and headed back to the Impala.

_Was it a mistake?_

_No._

_I'm not gay._

_I'm not!_

_He's just an exception-_

_No he's not, I don't like him in that way._

_Okay. Maybe I do._

_What's Sam gonna say?_

Thoughts rushed through his head at way past the speed limit, making his breathing heavy and his body uncomfortably hot. The thing was, Dean was starting to realise more and more that he was being stupid. Him and Sam were way too close to let something like being gay split them up.

 

When Dean got home, it was nearing 10pm and he was too tired to do anything but climb into bed - so, naturally, he ignored the internet limits on his smartphone and logged onto Tumblr. Because his phone was a BlackBerry (famous for a Tumblr app that didn't work), he had to use the browser but he could still send asks, so he checked the blog again and saw a reply.

 

_What did you do?_

_Uh..._

 

Dean backspaced what he'd typed. The hell was he supposed to put? Was it too risky to put what he wanted to?

 

_I, uh, I met my brother's roommate and I messed up._

He deleted what he'd typed again.

 

_I met someone, and I messed up when I met them._

Nice and general, that was the best he was going to come up with, so he added his signature ' _-D_ ' to the end and sent the ask, pressing his knuckles into his mouth as he waited nervously.

 

_How did you mess up?_

_I... I couldn't even stay in the same room with the guy, I just freaked out. -D_

_Why?_

_He was- he was perfect. -D_

 

* * *

 

Castiel sighed and leaned back on the couch, closing his eyes then opening them and blinking as he stared at the ceiling. Did '-D' mean what Castiel thought it meant?

It- no. It couldn't be Dean.

"Sam?" he called, just loud enough for Sam to hear.

"Yeah?" Sam yelled back.

"Does Dean have a blog?"

"A blog? Dean?"

"Like- a Tumblr account?" he held his breath as he waited for the reply.

"Uh, I don't think so!"

"Okay!"

"Hang on- Tumblr? The blue site with all the porn?"

"Yes!"

"Yeah, actually, I think he does!"

"Thank you Sam!"

"No worries, man!"

Actually, there was every possibility it could be Dean. There was one way he could test. "Sam, what's his URL?"

"I could text him and ask?"

"Yes, please, that would be appreciated!"

 


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay for updates! Thank you for all your lovely comments; I'm better now, and you were all so nice :') enjoy the chapter! Thank you to each and every one of you who have bookmarked, given kudos, or commented on this fanfic. Each new one makes me smile, and some of your comments are just- kfofjtbd, I can't thank you all enough! <3 saveourstarwhalesfanfic.tumblr.com is where to find any news regarding my fics (or it will be, as soon as I manage to set it up)

"Did Dean reply?" Castiel asked, swallowing the mouthful of pasta that Sam seemed to be quite talented at making. 

"Uh... I haven't checked, hang on." Sliding his phone out of the deep pocket of his worn jeans, he scanned the screen. "Yeah, actually, he has."

"What did he say?" The moment of truth. Time seemed to pause briefly, allowing for Castiel's moment of panic - what if it turned out to be Dean? What if it didn't? To be honest, he wasn't sure what he wanted to happen.

"That's weird, he says he doesn't have one, but I swear he used to borrow my laptop to talk to someone..."

"Weird," Castiel echoed. Yes, it was.

 

* * *

 

Dean snorted. _Like I want Sammy snooping around my blog - I post stuff on there that I'd never want him to see. Ever._  


Instead of telling his brother the truth, he opted for what was always the easier option - to lie. It didn't feel like it would have many consequences this time - all that would happen was that Sam wouldn't see his blog. And that was a good thing.

He logged on to his Tumblr over breakfast (leftover pie from yesterday) and scrolled through the insanity of his dashboard, stopping every once in a while to like or reblog a post that caught his eye. 

He definitely did not go so far back on Castiel's blog that he managed to find his first post. 

 

* * *

 

Castiel wandered around the park, snapping photographs of what he found there. Today his approach was "if it looks good, take a picture" as it often was when he was frustrated with something. Besides, his followers were probably waiting for him to post more photography instead of his conversations with '-D'. While he contemplated this thought, a trail of remembrance sneaked into his mind - what about his list? _Oh, but that's no use without Dean's URL._ He slumped forward and threw himself into his hobby; once upon a time photography had been his favourite pastime but a new activity was quickly surpassing that, and it scared him a little.

  
_Dean Winchester._  One of the most beautiful people Castiel had seen; male or female, and, unsurprisingly, not gay. All the best ones were - not gay, that is.

His phone buzzed in his pocket and the ringtone of the candyman song meant it was Gabriel, who was meant to be in rehab.

"Gabriel?"

"Hey, kiddo!" Gabriel sounded bright, cheery, everything that he never used to be, and it was- it was strange.

"You sound... different."

"S'what rehab does to you, Cassie!" Castiel winced at the nickname.

"Are you still in the rehabilitation centre?"

"Nope, they discharged me yesterday. Back at home in my newly brother-free room - remind me where you went again?"

"I moved on campus."

"Been to any frat parties yet? They're great for-"

"No, Gabriel. You are not coming to a frat party with me. You're thirty years old."

"Aw, spoilsport!" His pout could be heard loud and clear through the receiver.

"I'm glad you're okay," Castiel's voice softened. "I'll speak to you soon."

"You too, little bro!"

 

* * *

 

  
_This isn't breaking in,_ Sam reminded himself as he picked the lock. _It's just... gathering information._  


A week of living with Castiel had given Sam the motivation to find out if his roommate was right, and Dean really did have a Tumblr blog. He owed Castiel that much at least, after all he'd done for the apartment, so that was the reason he was now walking into Dean's own apartment, loading Dean's laptop, and typing the URL of the website into the browser.

Ah, there. Dean was logged in. Sam took a picture of the blog name and sent it to Castiel with the caption "Dean's blog. You owe me. ;)"

 

* * *

 

Castiel's phone vibrated in his pocket again and he opened the picture message. His mouth formed a perfect circle of shock when he read the caption and saw Dean's blog name.

Castiel would have said son of a bitch, but in this case, son of a pie felt more appropriate.

 

 


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nothing much really happens in this chapter, it's a filler I guess, but yeah. Thanks so much for all of your lovely comments! Enjoy <3

Castiel flipped his laptop open on his legs, which were laid out across the floor, shut tight together. He leaned his back against the sofa, almost shaking in anticipation, and as he brought up his list, he scrolled down, breathing staggered. 

He found the URL in question on his list, near the bottom.

"Shit," he swore under his breath. He'd suddenly turned dizzy, his head spinning, because this wasn't true, because it couldn't be true, because things like that didn't happen to people like him.

"Shit," he repeated, even though he didn't have a habit of swearing, even though he never swore, even though this must have been a dream because it couldn't be happening.

_I- I-_

Castiel stared at his laptop, sitting like a marble statue.

 

* * *

 

_Hey -D_

_Dean? Is it you?_

_How the hell-_

_Oh God._

He knew.

He fucking knew.

_How?_

_Oh my fucking-_

_Jesus fuck._

Castiel knew.

He knew.

 

Dean awoke with a start. God, he was glad that dream wasn't real. He didn't know how he'd cope if Castiel ever found out if it was him; he'd have to go into hiding or something, because it was a purely internet thing.

Nothing would happen in real life, because the world isn't that kind.

In some ways that was a blessing. It meant Dean didn't ever have to brush up on his awkward people skills. Or date. Dean was more of a get-drunk-in-a-bar-one-night-stand kinda guy than one who dated. 

The last time Dean had betrayed himself to date, she had turned Dean down when he proposed. Hardly a confidence booster. 

In any case, he didn't know why he was even contemplating what would happen, if anything would happen, between him and his internet friend, because it wasn't going to happen. Dean was going to go to Sam's in a few days, and he was going to be coherent and speak clearly and be polite, and him and Sam and Castiel would have dinner, probably something girly cooked by Sam, and then Dean would stay to watch a movie with Sam and a beer and fingers crossed some pie, and then Dean would go home and go to sleep and everything would be normal. As normal as a Winchester life could be, anyway.

 

* * *

 

"Hello," Castiel said stiffly, his words reflecting his posture as he stood outside the front door of his former residence. "I'm here to see Gabriel. I was under the impression he was here alone."

"Were you expecting us to leave him alone after he just got out of rehab?" Michael sighed in disbelief, expressing his disappointment in his son visually by burning Castiel's body with his scornful eyes.

"No."

"He's upstairs." Michael waved his hand dismissively in the general direction of the stairs, then went back to his usual pastime of torturing baby puppies or whatever he did in his free time.

 

"Gabriel?"

"Hey, Cassie! You came!"

Gabriel was splayed out on the king sized bed among a huge nest of pillows.

"Where did all of this come from?"

"As soon as Daddy knew I'd figuratively passed my rehab tests he asked what I wanted," Castiel's brother smugly smiled.

Castiel gingerly sat on the end of Gabriel's new bed. "Gabriel?"

"Yeah, Cassie?"

"Never mind. Nothing."

"Okay, little bro."

Sitting in his old bedroom with his reformed brother by his side, Castiel smiled as he realised that things couldn't really be much more different to how they used to be than how they were now. Gabriel was fixed - Castiel had the fun, flirty, candy-loving brother-in-law back after a bad ex-girlfriend experience on Gabriel's part - Castiel was free, happy, going to see Dean again soon, and even Castiel couldn't deny that Sam's brother was very attractive.

Things _had_ changed.

But in a good way.

 


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I decided to change it up a bit, so this chapter is from Sam's POV. I know a lot of you are waiting for the second meeting but it will be next chapter, I promise! Enjoy the chapter, and see you before Dean and Cas next meet ;)

Leaving Dean had not been easy for Sam, and it was hard at first; difficult to get used to a life without his big brother by his side, but not altogether impossible. It was strange, yeah, but he was used to strange.

He found his new roommate strange too, but Castiel Novak was the good sort of strange - Dean seemed to think so too, judging based on Sam and Dean's late conversations that Sam had sworn, on pain of death, not to tell anyone. If he told, Dean had said, he'd be the victim of a very refined form of torture involving bendy straws and whipped cream.

 

_"Uh... Sammy?" Dean leaned back in the chair of the diner, breathing heavily. "Uh..."_

_"Come on, whatever it is you're trying to say can't be that bad!"'_

_"I-"_

_Sam smiled encouragingly._

_"I- ilikemen." It came out in a rush of letters, jumbled words spilling out of his brother's lips. "Imgay."_

_"Dean, that's-"_

_Sam could see Dean's jaw tighten, preparing for the onslaught of anger-_

_"That's great, Dean!"_

_"What- why?"_

_"You're gay! It's just- let me text someone-"_

_"Who? Why?"_

_"No-one, I, uh..."_

_Dean wrenched the phone from Sam's hand before he could protest, and he read the glowing screen._

_"Why are you texting Castiel?" Sam saw his brother's eyes grow suspicious._

_"Uh... No reason." Dean raised an eyebrow but didn't question it any further._

_"Sammy, is that, uh, it?"_

_"What do you mean?"_

_"You just... say it's great? Aren't you, I don't know, angry? Annoyed?"_

_"Why would I be, Dean?"_

_"I-"_

 

He remembered it clearly. Eventually Dean had confessed how he liked Castiel, maybe more than he should, and how even though they hadn't had a proper conversation yet, he still liked the guy. Sam couldn't explain it either.

Now, it was the day before the unlikely pair would meet again, for the second time, and Sam was out buying groceries for dinner. This time, Dean would stay, he was sure of it. Nothing got between Dean and determination.

 

Sam pushed the half-full cart around the store, slipping his phone out of his pocket as he did so.

 

_From: Dean_

_To: Sam Winchester_

_20:05_

_don't think i haven't forgotten you texting cas_

_To: Dean_

_From: Sam Winchester_

_20:06_

_No, of course you haven't._

_From: Dean_

_To: Sam Winchester_

_20:07_

_why were you texting him sammy_

_To: Dean_

_From: Sam Winchester_

_20:09_

_No reason._

_From: Dean_

_To: Sam Winchester_

_20:10_

_i'm not stupid there has to be a reason_

_To: Dean_

_From: Sam Winchester_

_20:13_

_Castiel is my friend, Dean, I can't tell his secrets to everyone. Why do you want to know so bad?_

_From: Dean_

_To: Sam Winchester_

_20:13_

_no reason_

_To: Dean_

_From: Sam Winchester_

_20:20_

_Sure, Dean._

 

 

It hadn't taken long for Dean to tell his brother everything.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just to make it clear, Sam DOES NOT know about the whole Tumblr thing.  
> Will he ever find out?  
> Who knows?


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merry December! I'm really sorry about the wait, I'm in the middle of mock GCSE exams and I'm making Christmas presents and revising and ugh I have so much to do, plus I decided a Destiel ficlet advent calendar was a good idea so I have to update that every day and meh.  
> Okay, so this is the chapter you've all (maybe) been waiting for - the meeting! The actual meeting! This is the first half, as I wanted to keep my annoying tradition of short chapters for this fic.  
> Enjoy!

Castiel sighed heavily as he got up from his bed and began to pace back and forth; a bell ringing, letting people known that today was the day. Today, he was going to meet Dean Winchester again, and goddamn if he was going to mess it up. Finding out that Dean was the owner of his favourite blog had only added to the strain - he'd idolized that blog ever since it began, and although it was surreal that he could put a face to the URL, it was somewhat disconcerting too. What's more, Castiel didn't know why Dean had run out of the apartment last time he visited. Was Castiel really that bad? _I'll just have to wait and see._  


 

* * *

 

Dean sighed heavily as he ran a hand over the back of his neck nervously. Today was the day. Today, he was going to meet Castiel again, and goddamn if he was going to mess it up. 

Last time was just a shock. _This time will be different. I know what to expect._  


* * *

 

"Dean!" Sam threw his arms around his brother, gathering him into a bear hug at the door of the apartment. He pulled away, grinning.

"This is Castiel," he explained pointedly. "Do over, okay? Pretend you're meeting for the first time, since you were such a girl last t-" 

"Shut up, bitch," Dean muttered, and shook the hand Castiel had extended to him. It was soft but with a certain strength to it which was good in contrast to Dean's rough, calloused hand.

"Hey," he smiled shyly. "I'm Dean."

"Hello, Dean." Castiel smiled back. _God, his voice is like sex and there is no way I can listen to that for any longer than like ten minutes without doing something about it._  


"I'm gonna sort dinner out, okay? Entertain him while I'm gone, Cas," Sam interrupted, disappearing to the kitchen and leaving the pair alone. Dean's instincts kicked in.

"So, Cas... entertain me," he smirked. Flirting was the only thing that made him confident, save for alcohol, and he couldn't get drunk with this- this angel around.

"Not while your brother is around," Castiel winked.

 

* * *

 

Castiel fought the urge to kiss Dean right then and there, because he felt like if he had to wait much longer, he'd definitely have something to say about that, but on the other hand, Sam was right there.

It crossed his mind that even though he knew Dean was the owner of that blog, knew Dean had been sending him anonymous messages; Dean didn't know he knew, creating a one sided tension in the room. _Would it be easier if I just tell him?_  


"Dean?"

"Yeah?"

"Uh- nothing. It's nothing."

"You sure?"

"Uh... yeah. Yes."

"Okey dokey."

Castiel made a noise of agreement before he bowed his head, then lifted it to meet Dean's gaze once more.

"Dean, I- you're beautiful. You should know that."

Dean blushed and made a strange strangled noise in his throat, then started laughing.

_Have I done something wrong?_

"No, it's just I- coming from you, that's a big compliment, man."

Castiel nearly questioned Dean's reply before realising he must have thought out loud again.

"Why would that be?"

"You're beautiful too."

 

_To be continued_

 


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Merry Christmas to you all and if you don't celebrate Christmas, happy [insert holiday here]! Apologies for the wait. I'd make excuses but none of them are really good enough, so anyway, here's the last part of the meeting as an 11pm Christmas present. Love you all.

"Guys? Food's done." Sam, being the little brother he always was and always would be, continued to be Dean's cockblock far into adulthood.

"Thank you, Sam." Castiel replied with his gorgeous voice and followed Sam into the kitchen, innocently smirking at Dean, who rolled his eyes and laughed. Sam turned around and shot the pair a questioning look but just shrugged it off and sat down, heaping pasta onto a fork enthusiastically and splashing the sauce everywhere - including Castiel's cheek.

"Here, let me- let me get that," Dean smiled shyly and licked his thumb, wiping the smudge of red from the younger man's cheeks but noticing a faint red colour spread across his cheeks as he did so.

 

* * * 

 

_I want to tell him that I know it was him who sent me anonymous messages. Why can't I just tell him? Surely it can't be that bad if I tell him, I mean, what's the worst that can happen?_

_He stops talking to me altogether?_

_He ignores me?_

_He leaves again?_

_Maybe it is a bad idea._

_But I want to tell him, so badly... I just want him to know. I want to wake up to Dean's face next to me on the pillow with my duvet smelling of Dean. I want to be able to look in the mirror and see where he's marked me for his own. I want to cook for him and take photos of him and-_

_Castiel, stop._

_Just stop getting your hopes up before you get hurt._

* * *

 

_I want to tell him that it was me who sent those anonymous messages. I'm your anon, Castiel, and I wouldn't change that for a damn thing. I don't want anyone else to have you._

_What's the worst that can happen? He stops replying to my anons? He leaves the table? He ignores me?_

_Okay, maybe it's a crap idea to tell him, but I- I can't not. I really like him and I- I've never said that about anyone, except Cassie, and look where she got me._

_Dean, you're just going to get hurt again. Leave it._

* * *

 

After dinner, Castiel sat on the sofa next to Dean while Sam did the dishes. Castiel had the feeling that Sam was leaving the pair alone for a reason - or was that just him being hopeful again?

"So, uh..." Dean began.

"So," Castiel continued. "What do you do?"

_Small talk? Well done, Castiel. Well done._

"I'm a mechanic, over at Bobby Singer's place? It's crappy pay but I love what I do, I guess. You?"

"Barista in the coffee shop on campus." He managed a small grin.

"Sam- Sam told me your family was rich though, so why-"

"Why do I need a job?" His tone maybe came out slightly harsher than he'd meant it to. "Sorry."

"No, it's fine."

"My family and I don't get along well. I want to prove to them that I can survive on my own."

"Don't you like any of them?"

"I liked Anna. She passed away in the same car accident as my mom a few years ago."

"I'm sorry, dude..." Castiel recognised the tone of someone who could empathize with the pain.

"Who did you lose?" he asked softly.

"My- my dad." Dean swallowed hard. "And my mom."

"If you don't mind me asking, how?"

"She was a house fire. He was an alcoholic."

"I'm sorry..."

"Look at us," Dean looked up through slightly tear-stained lashes, "pair of grown men crying."

"It's okay to cry sometimes, you know." Castiel reached a hand out to the other man.

"I'll remember that."

 

* * *

 

Just before Dean left, he pressed a chaste kiss to Castiel's chapped lips when Sam wasn't looking.

He didn't regret it.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys if you go to http://www.etsy.com/shop/DollsByMolls you can find cheap, handmade fandom dolls by me! Please check it out c:


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1/2 updates today! I'm trying to get this done asap so I can start a High School AU I've been discussing with one of my friends (cureandcontagion on Tumblr), and I've planned the rest of the chapters out. After this chapter there are 9 chapters and an epilogue left :D The chapters also get longer from here cause I'm writing them on my (very broken) laptop using software without a word counter, and I've been overestimating how much I've written - but anyway - here you go and enjoy!

When Dean returned home that night, his feelings were definitely in a worse predicament than they were before he'd met Castiel again - mostly because there was now not one part of Dean that could deny he liked the man. No matter how much he argued he wasn't gay, or tried to reason with himself that it wasn't right, or attempted to convince himself that Castiel actually wasn't that special, he just _couldn't do it._

His mind flew back to the tiny kiss goodbye, and he didn't realise he was smiling (quite widely) until he saw his grin in the bathroom mirror just as he was getting in the shower. The hot stream of water ran down his muscular form in tiny rivers, interlinking on the tan skin of his torso and finally becoming one when they reached the bottom of the tub and disappeared down the plughole. Dean lathered himself in soap before giving into the urge that had been pressing on his mind since he first saw Castiel, and he jerked off to the blue eyes that were currently attempting to pierce his soul and completely, _utterly_ succeeding.

 

* * *

 

"What did you think?" Sam asked Castiel, leaning forward in the chair to indicate his interest.

Castiel answered the unasked question: "Yes, I do have romantic intentions with your brother, and I hope he reciprocates them."

Sam giggled like a teenage girl. "Yeah. I know at least that much, trust me, Cas. He likes you - God, he likes you alright."  
Castiel couldn't stop the corner of his lips pulling upward slightly, and he went to his bedroom to continue with the book he was reading.

Half an hour later, he was still on the same page of his book, because he just couldn't get anything done with the blond man filling his thoughts like some sort of poisonous gas, not allowing him to concentrate on anything else for more than a couple of minutes at a time. There was actually no point in him continuing to read the fuzzy words blurred together, resting lon his pillow, so he got up again to find Sam. While he'd been in his room, Sam had vanished, but there was a note on the table -

 

_Gone out. Back soon._

_Sam_

_PS - I thought you might want Dean's number. It's on the fridge._

Bless Sam and his beautiful, gigantic heart. Dean's number was exactly what he wanted right now.

 

_From: Castiel Novak_

_To: Dean Winchester_

_22:54pm_

_Hello, Dean._

He got a reply almost instantaneously:

 

_To: Castiel Novak_

_From: Dean Winchester_

_22:56pm_

_is that you cas_

_From: Castiel Novak_

_To: Dean Winchester_

_22:57pm_

_Yes; Sam gave me your number. Is it okay to text you?_

_To: Castiel Novak_

_From: Dean Winchester_

_22:57pm_

_yeah that's fine_

_From: Castiel Novak_

_To: Dean Winchester_

_22:58pm_

_I enjoyed tonight._

_To: Castiel Novak_

_From: Dean Winchester_

_23:00pm_

_is that a hint ;)_

_From: Castiel Novak_

_To: Dean Winchester_

_23:03pm_

_A hint to what?_

_To: Castiel Novak_

_From: Dean Winchester_

_23:08pm_

_do you think you maybe want to go out sometime? i mean if you don't want to that's fine i was just asking_

_From: Castiel Novak_

_To: Dean Winchester_

_23:10pm_

_Yes. I would like that._

* * *

 

Dean Winchester did not squeal. Dean Winchester did not get butterflies. Dean Winchester definitely did not squeal and get butterflies over a text.

Until now, that is. Although he was so not the type, it appeared that Cas had changed more than just his sexuality.

The replies, contrary to being difficult to form like so many girls he'd been with, came easily to him, meaning their conversation developed quickly. The only thing was that he wasn't entirely sure where he wanted this to go.

Sure, he liked the guy. And Sammy knew. Sure, Cas looked great and was smart and lived with Sammy so he had the excuse to go round whenever he wanted because he could pretend to be visiting his brother. Sure, he was a great kisser, and even the chaste kiss they had shared after dinner sparked a larger interest in Dean's perspective and hopefully Castiel's too. Sure, he was into Dean, because he was texting him, so he had to be into Dean, right? He'd kissed Dean, and he'd agreed to a date, and he'd said he enjoyed the night, so surely that had to _mean_ something.

But after Cassie, Dean Winchester did not do long term. He wanted that to change, hell, he wanted all the couple stuff and more with Cas, but it really wasn't easy for him to get into a potentially very long term, maybe even _forever_ relationship, even though it had been more than a year since him and Cassie broke up. He just- he just couldn't do it. He'd tried - God, he'd tried, and Lisa and Ben were everything he could have ever asked for, but Dean, as much as he'd tried, as much as he'd _tried_ to be a good partner and substitute dad, it hadn't worked.

If he couldn't work himself out for Lisa and Ben, then what made this different? Castiel had turned him frigging _gay_ , for God's sake, but was that _enough_?


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 2/2 for today - enjoy c:

_To: Sam Winchester_

_From: Dean_

_10:39am_

_you in today_

_To: Dean_

_From: Sam Winchester_

_10:47am_

_No, sorry. I have classes then I need to do some extra studying in the library._

_To: Sam Winchester_

_From: Dean_

_10:48am_

_okay never mind dude_

_To: Sam Winchester_

_From: Dean_

_10:48am_

_wait when will you be home_

_To: Dean_

_From: Sam Winchester_

_10:55am_

_I don't know, probably not until at least six though._

 

 

_To: Sam Winchester_

_From: Dean_

_10:57am_

_okay_

 

* * *

 

Castiel was surprised when, at around two pm., there was a knock at the apartment door. He dusted the flour off his hands and wiped them on his apron before peeking his head around the wood to see who it was.

"Dean?"  
"Hey, uh, is Sammy in?"

"No, he won't be in until later. Do you want to come in?"  
"Sure, if you don't mind, that'd be great." Dean grinned and Castiel opened the door fully, allowing Dean to enter the apartment.

"Sorry about the mess, I thought I'd try baking something for Sam. Your brother works too hard sometimes," he smiled fondly. The moose-like man had quickly carved out a place in Castiel's heart.

"What're you baking?"  
"Cherry pie. I thought everyone liked pie, so it was a safe option."  
"Wait- you can bake pie?"  
"My mother's recipe."  
"But you can bake pie?"  
"Yes. I like pie, I bake pie, I eat pie. The cycle never seems to end."  
"Dude, marry me, like _now_." An immediate blush surrounded Dean's freckles as he realised what he'd said: "I mean- I- I like pie too."  
Castiel chuckled. "It's a little too early for that, Dean," he said, winking at the blond man leaning against the counter.

"For what, marriage or pie? Cause I agree with the marriage thing but pie? Never too early for pie. Never."

"I know that." The raven-haired man began to roll the dough out on the heavily floured counter, thick but not too thick, then draped it over the pie dish and pressed the golden paste into the edges carefully, neatly trimming the excess off as he went. In his peripheral vision he could see Dean watching him intently.

"Take your jacket off, sit down, I'm sure it will be more comfortable," he advised wryly, smirking and clumping the rest of the dough smoothly into a ball before rolling it out again to form the top crust. He filled the crust with soaked cherries and sliced the flat dough into strips, weaving a complicated lattice with nimble fingers under the watchful gaze of Dean (who still hadn't moved).

"Yeah- yeah, uh, I'll just- I'll just put it over- over there, on the chair-"  
"Take your time." The smirk was still plastered on Castiel's face as he watched Dean.

 

* * *

 

_Jesus Christ, could he get any better? He can make freaking pie! And his hands on the dough, I-_

_God, he's hot, there's no way I can deny that, like ever._

_Maybe- maybe we can make this work. I have to at least try._

He draped his worn leather over the right arm of the sofa, returning to the kitchen faster than Castiel's hands had been moving a few seconds ago. Heat emanated from the open oven as Castiel slid the pie in expertly.

 

_Oh, fuck me. His ass is hot too._

Castiel straightened up and flashed his teeth at Dean. "It will be done soon. I'm sure we can have a piece each without Sam minding - he can't possibly eat a whole pie, and even if he could, I'm quite sure you wouldn't let him anyway."  
"Too right."

"I need to clean up - do you mind helping me?"  
"No, course not. What do you want me to do?"  
He gestured to the small pile by the sink, "would you mind washing those?"  
"No, that's fine, I can do that."

As the younger of the pair had his arms elbow-deep in steaming hot water and suds, it suddenly struck him how completely domestic all of this was.

 

* * *

 

Castiel glanced at Dean to see him finishing his pie by enthusiastically licking the crumbs off of the plate, chasing the perfectly cooked pieces of pastry with a skilled pink tongue that had Cas' breath getting ever so slightly heavier, like a weight was pulling down on it every time. Before he was completely finished, he looked up at Cas through long pretty eyelashes, practically _daring_ him to come closer, to feel the slide of tongue on tongue, to suck his soul out through full pink lips like he'd never been kissed before, and before he knew it he'd put his plate on the floor next to the TV and he'd stood up and managed to somehow walk over to where Dean was sitting on the sofa and straddle his lap and take Dean's plate and put that on the floor too then _finally_ press against Dean's mouth with his own and gently bite Dean's lip and lick his way into Dean's mouth and push against him, dragging him sideways so his head lay on the pool of brown leather on the arm of the sofa and holy _shit_ that felt good.

 

* * *

 

Dean and Cas continued to make out like teenagers on the sofa and before they could arrange themselves into innocent positions, the door opened and Sam walked in with his laptop and a stack of books in his backpack and kinda just stood there staring at the couple involved in a heated make out session on a sofa that was half his. He coughed pointedly and they sprang apart, looking a little guilty and flushed and definitely gone.

Dean shrugged an apology to Sam and looked back at Cas whose eyes were twinkling in amusement.

"I'm sorry, Sam. Your brother is just- unique." Castiel winked at his kissing partner and Dean cursed, knowing Castiel knew full well what effect it was having. Sam left the room, backing out with a mumbled "I think I'm scarred for life," leaving the pair alone to deal with whatever just happened.

"Cas- listen, before we do that again - and trust me, I want to do that again - I- I want to take you out. On a- a date. Does tomorrow work?"  
"Pick me up at seven."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Do any of you think I need to change the rating to Mature? I'm not sure, cause it's not really that mature but then there are parts so I don't know. Thank you uwu


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Updates coming fast! ;) Enjoy <3

True to his words Dean arrived at Cas and Sam's apartment at exactly 7pm. It totally wasn't because he'd been stood outside the door for three minutes making sure he was exactly on time and not too early.

Sam answered the door. "Who'd 'a thought you could look smart?" he whistled, and Dean rolled his eyes.

"Where's Cas?"  
"Cas is in his room staring at himself in the mirror obsessing over whether he looks okay."  
"Jesus- let me talk to him." He slipped between Sam and the door frame and knocked on Cas' bedroom door before going in. "Cas?"  
Castiel turned around and Dean saw him properly - his hair was, as ever, the same messy nest, but he'd shaved and his eyes seemed brighter somehow and his white button-down was just tight enough to show off his muscles and black skinny jeans accentuated-

"Hello, Dean."  
"Hey Cas," Dean's voice had suddenly grown hoarse. He cleared his throat. "You look... great. You look great."

 

* * *

 

Before Castiel returned the compliment he made sure to take his time drinking in Dean's appearance - he, apparently, had had the same difficulty as himself in taming his hair, but his eyes were vibrant and his lips fuller than ever and _Christ_ , his outfit; he wore an emerald button-down and black jeans and they did absolutely nothing to prevent Castiel dragging him over and having his way with him, but Castiel knew he had to do this, for Dean if not himself, so he crossed the room and intertwined their fingers and walked to the Impala with Dean.

"Where are we going?"

"Surprise." Dean threw him a wink as he huffed childishly.

"I hate surprises."  
"Well, _sweetheart_ ," he emphasized the endearment sarcastically, "you're gonna like this one."  
"I'm sure I will," Castiel replied, crawling over the bench seat to plant an open mouthed kiss on Dean's collarbone-

" _Shit_ , Cas, you can't pull shit like that when I'm driving!"

Castiel smirked and backed away. "Fine, I won't do it again."  
"I sincerely hope you don't mean ever, Mr. Novak, or-"

"Or what, Dean?" he batted his eyelashes innocently.  
"Or so God help me I'll-"

"You'll what Dean?"  
"I hate you," Dean muttered.

"No you don't."  
"You're right, I don't, and I hate that I don't hate you. Asshole." he pouted and Cas chuckled.

 

* * *

 

Dean's 'surprise' turned out to be a little Italian restaurant on the outskirts of town. Castiel had never pegged Dean for the romantic type but he could tell Dean was comfortable here.

"Hey, Dean, who's your friend?"

"Jo, this is Cas. Cas, Jo - her mom owns this place. I've known them both since I was a kid."  
"It's good to meet you, Jo." Castiel noticed Jo did a double take at his voice - he giggled to himself and let her shake his hand; he kissed her cheek, sparking a blush.

"Don't go getting any ideas, Joanna Beth. He's mine."

It was Castiel's turn to blush as he followed Dean, who followed Jo to a table for two near the back of the restaurant, where no-one could see them. The walls were a deep red and the floor was polished black wood, all lit with soft lamp glow from the bulbs attached to the wall. As they wove through the restaurant, Castiel noticed several paintings, and above their table hung a simplistic piece with the silhouette of an angel gripping the wrist of the silhouette of a man. The angel had wings but no halo, and the wings were beautiful things - huge, arched, feathered and unique.

Dean must have noticed him staring, because the next thing he said was "like the paintings? Ellen does them. Jo's mom, that is."  
"They're very good."

Dean grinned. "Don't tell her that - we can't have her thinking she's actually a good artist," he winked.

"I won't." Castiel replied solemnly.

"What will it be, boys? Dean, who's your friend, hmm?"

"Ellen, Cas. Cas, Ellen. Jo's mom."

"Your paintings are very good, Mrs-"  
"Caaaaas," Dean whined, "I told you not to tell her that!"  
"Harvelle," Ellen smiled warmly at Cas, bending down to envelope him in a hug. "And you, Winchester," she smacked him lightly upside the head, "behave. Cas here is just being polite, something _you_ should have learned to do by now."  
Dean pouted in a similar manner to the way he had in the car. "I'll have the usual."  
"And you?"  
"I'll have the same as Dean, please. Thank you."

Their food arrived promptly, and Castiel eyed the dish hungrily. "In my opinion, there are not many things better than pizza."  
"I'd prefer a bacon cheeseburger, but Ellen says bacon cheeseburgers _apparently_ don't fit in with her theme. Pizza's good, though, Ash is an expert."  
"Ash?"  
"Head chef. Went to MIT to come here and work for Ellen; God knows why."  
"I heard that," Ellen called from a few tables over where she was serving a family.

"You know the Harvelles well?"  
"They're like a second family to me, yeah," Dean replied, his cheeks bloated with food, "have been for years. They helped me and Sammy out a lot, 'specially when I had to work to build up his college fund, you know? Jo used to have a crush on me." He smirked. "Tried it on with me a couple times too, but she never got anywhere."  
"I heard that, Dean Winchester!" Jo shot him a dirty look from the bar and Dean adopted an innocent expression once more.   
"I said nothing, Joanna Beth, you need your ears cleaning out."  
"Bitch."


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy the fun while it lasts, cause next chapter is what you've been waiting for... *evil laugh*  
> You may have noticed I changed the rating to Mature - better safe than sorry, right? If there are any of you who'd prefer a more child-friendly version I can work on that and upload it separately if you'd want?
> 
> EDIT: the rating is back to Teen and Up. To me, I feel like a Mature rating warrants smut, and seeing as there isn't really any smut in this fic, I don't want to disappoint if people see the rating as Mature and presume there's smut. Thanks guys uvu

The next day, Dean Winchester definitely did not go to The Coffee Pot just to see Cas. Even though when he was there, Castiel forced him to drink some cafe miel which was coffee with honey and cinnamon crap in it. Even though, maybe he pretended he didn't like it, but he actually did. Even though Cas looks totally adorable in a barista uniform. Even though when he was there, he started sending asks to wingsofanangel again, purely to make sure it was actually Cas and not some doppelganger. Even though everytime he got a reply, it was just after Cas had pulled his phone out of his pocket and typed something and smiled as he slid it back into his pocket, humming to himself happily as he tried to have eye sex with Dean across the barely crowded coffee shop.

 

* * *

 

_Sorry I haven't spoken in a while I've had a lot going on -D_

_That's fine. I've been busy too._

_What have you been doing -D_

_My roommate's brother._

_I didn't know you actually had a sense of humour ;) -D_

_It comes out occasionally. ;)_

_Your roommate's brother huh -D_

_He's hot, and a great kisser. He's also very sweet. He took me out on a date yesterday to the most beautiful restaurant._

_He sounds like you deserve him -D_

_Oh, I definitely do._

* * *

 

"Sammy?"  
"Yeah, Dean?"  
"Uh... the electric in my apartment has kinda gone weird."  
"Weird how?"  
"Weird like nothing's working and the company can't send anyone to fix it until tomorrow so is there any chance I can come and sleep on your sofa? Please?"  
"Like you even have to ask, idiot. Bring your stuff."  
"Thanks dude."

* * *

 

By the time Castiel arrived back at the apartment after work, there was a duffle bag on the sofa and Sam had dragged out some blankets and an extra pillow, laid over and under Dean respectively. He'd been working the late shift and coming home to a pretty sleeping Dean put things into perspective, because going home after a long day of work to Dean asleep was definitely at the top of his list of favourite things. He looked so- so vulnerable, lying there, lips slightly parted and eyelids barely shut but fluttering with every breath in and out, in and out, slowly, deeply, so _peaceful_.

Castiel couldn't help but to close his own mouth over Dean's, biting Dean's bottom lip and running his tongue over to soothe it, exploring Dean's mouth gently and carefully, mapping out every-

"Cas?" Dean woke with a jolt.  
"Sam is asleep. Be quiet."  
Dean tried to reply but his words were swallowed by Castiel. It wasn't long before the barista felt response; Dean pulling him on top of him, securing Cas with hands at his hips, probably leaving bruises but bruises that would indicate that Castiel was _his_.

"Come to bed with me, Dean," Castiel whispered, daring to make the next move, "please."

The couple fumbled for a few seconds until they ended up rolling off the sofa with a loud thump. Everything went silent.

"Shit," Dean froze, but there was no sign that Sam was awake, so they stood up and manouvered to Cas' room, bodies slotted against each other, hands knotted in hair and gripping waists and feet tripping in haste to get to Castiel's bed because Jesus _Christ_ , this was better than Castiel had felt in a long time. He opened the door and shut it behind them for Sam's sake before walking Dean backwards to the bed, pausing when knees collided with wood and _pushing_ Dean onto the blankets, smirking as he stood over the flushed man. Cas lifted his shirt over his head in a fluid movement, raising an eyebrow at Dean to rid himself of his too, then leaned down and mouthed along Dean's hips; his torso; his collarbone; his jaw, then met his lips in a spark of energy. There was an _urgency_ with the contact - I _need_ you, I _want_ you, kiss me _now_ , _please_ , God.

 

Needless to say, Sam didn't want to know why Dean's sofa-blankets were on the floor halfway between the sofa and Castiel's bedroom door.

He really didn't want to know.


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorrysorrysorry for the short chapter but I wanted it to be a cliffhanger and I'm trying to finish this fic asap so I can start on a new one for y'all! This is where my evil laugh comes in.

They woke up with limbs intertwined, a heap of body. The morning sunlight shot lasers through the gap in the curtains, lighting the room with an ethereal red glow.

Castiel swallowed nervously.

_I- I have to tell him. I can't carry on like this. I can't do it. It's not that big of a deal... I'm a grown man. I dealt with Gabriel for years. I dealt with family for years. I can tell Dean one little thing that (hopefully) won't change anything._

"D-Dean?"

"Yeah, Cas?" Dean pulled his arms from underneath Cas to stretch them above his head, then slid them back around Castiel's pale waist.

"I- I need to- to tell you something."

"What is it? What's wrong?"

"No, n- nothing's wrong, I just- I've- there's something I haven't told you, Dean, and I'm sorry in advance, but-"

"Cas, just tell me, okay?"

"I-" he lowered his voice to a whisper, unable to get his words out, "Dean." He smiled sadly. "I- I know it was you. S- sonofapie."

"Wait, what?" Dean's voice, in contrast, was an angry shout. "What the hell, Cas?"

"I- I wanted to t- tell you sooner, b- but I just-"  
"I-" he swallowed hard, "I think it would be best if you just left. Please. It's- it's not permanent, I just need to calm- to calm down."  
"Okay," Castiel whispered. "I'll go."

He left before Sam got back from his morning run.

So did Dean.

 

* * *

 

_He should have told me, right?_

_But then, I should have told him sooner. Told him it was me. I mean, I wasn't to know he already knew, and if I'd decided to tell him we could have avoided this mess. He'd know and I'd know he knew and it would be great._

_Perfect, maybe._

_Technically it's my fault. But, technically, it's also his._

_He should have told me._

"Dean? Where's Cas?"

"He- uh, he had to go."  
"Go where?"

"Work."  
"I didn't think he was working today?"  
"He- he had to go in last minute. Someone got ill."  
"Is there something wrong?"  
"No."

* * *

 

_From: Castiel Novak  
To: Sam Winchester_

_9:23am_

_Is Dean still in the apartment?_

_To: Castiel Novak_

_From: Sam Winchester_

_9:26am_

_No, he left about an hour ago. What happened with you two? He told me you had to work - I knew he was lying._

_From: Castiel Novak_

_To: Sam Winchester_

_9:27am_

_I'll talk to you about it when I get back. It's sort of a long story._

_To: Castiel Novak_

_From: Sam Winchester_

_9:28am_

_Okay, dude. See you soon._

_From: Castiel Novak_

_To: Sam Winchester_

_9:29am_

_Yes, I will._

* * *

 

"And then he told me to leave and give him chance to calm down."

"I tried to ask him about it but he just closed up, you know what Dean's like."

"H-How long do you think- it will take, for him to forgive me?" Castiel's bottom lip quivered and he bit it, _hard_ , to stop its movement. _I will not cry. He said it wasn't permanent. I will_ not _cry._

"Sorry Cas, I honestly- I don't know. We just have to wait it out now; Dean's an unpredictable son-of-a-bitch but he'll come round. I _know_ he will. Don't worry."

Cas managed a small smile.


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have the rest completely written up now and I can confirm that after this chapter, there is one more short chapter and an epilogue and then we're done here! It feels great to have finished, let me tell you uwu  
> So, enjoy this, and Chapter 23 will be posted tomorrow.

"Cas?"  
"Dean?" Even from over the phone, Dean could tell Castiel had been crying and it just broke him; broke a dam inside of him and tears started springing from his eyes.  
"I- I'm sorry, I shouldn't have over-reacted and to be honest I should have told you it was me and-"  
" _Dean_."  
"W-what?"  
"Stop."  
"O-okay."  
"Seriously, Dean, you have nothing to apologise for. I should have told you sooner."  
"It's not your fault, Cas."  
"It's not yours either, Dean."  
"Can- can we just say it's over?"  
"Yes, I would like that. "  
"I- I miss you, Cas," Dean said quietly.  
"I miss you too, Dean."  
"Come over?"  
"I- I really can't, I'm sorry, it's just I spoke to Sam and he didn't think you'd "get over yourself", his words not mine, this quickly so I told Gabriel I could see him-"  
"It's fine, Cas. Stay safe, okay? I'll see you tomorrow."  
"Goodbye, Dean. See you tomorrow."  
"Bye, Cas."

* * *

"Cassie! How're you doing baby bro? Long time no see!"  
"Gabriel, it's only been a week."  
"...has it? God, everything feels shorter when there aren't workers on your case trying to force feed you broccoli every two seconds. _Broccoli!_ Me! Since when have I ever eaten broccoli?"  
Castiel laughed quietly. "You've never eaten broccoli, Gabriel."  
"Exactly!"  
Gabriel was sitting on his bed, arms crossed behind his head on the pillows that clearly hadn't been washed for a while because there were crumbs everywhere. It wasn't really a surprise to be honest, as there were always crumbs on his sheets before things turned bad.  
"I'm fine, Gabriel. How are you?"  
"Never been better! Even with Kali things were never this good-"  
"Are- are you okay to be talking about her?"  
"Why not?"  
"I- I just thought, because-"  
"I told you, Cassie. I'm fine, honestly."  
"As long as you're okay-"  
"I'm fine." Gabriel grinned and popped another Skittle into his mouth; chewing contentedly and watching Castiel. "Wait a second..." A smirk grew wide across his face.  
"What?"  
"Cassie's got a girlfriend!"  
"What? No! Gabriel!"  
"You totally have! What's her name? Is she hot?"  
Castiel just blushed.  
"Who _is_ she? She must be special for you to not want to tell me-"  
"He," Castiel muttered.  
"Hmm?"  
"He. Not she."  
"Oh, so Cassie's got a _boy_ friend! What's his name? Is he hot?"  
"Wait, why are you so okay with this? Are you not going to react to the fact that I just told you I'm gay?"  
"Not really, bro. I'm gay too - well, half gay. Like it matters to me whether they've got a dick or-"  
 _"Gabriel!"_  
"Answer my questions! Is he hot?"  
"Yes, he's hot. His name's Dean."  
"Does he have any hot brothers? Or sisters?"  
"Sam isn't unattractive," Castiel stifled a giggle. "And he's single, too."  
"Do you have his number?"  
"Of course I do, he's my roommate."  
"Caaaassiiiieeeee?"  
"Yes, you can have his number. Let me phone him first to check it's okay."

* * *

"Castiel? What's up?"  
"Hello, Sam. I'm with my brother-"  
"Well _hello_ there... are you as sexy as you sound?"  
" _Gabriel!_ Anyway, Sam, he asked if he could have your number. I thought it best to ask you first, as my brother can be a little- _too much_ , despite his less than average height."  
"Hey! Who are you calling short?"  
Sam laughed.  
"Sure. Call me, Gabe."  
Sam hung up.  
Gabriel smirked again and turned bright red.


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's a short chapter but before my big final author's note at the end of the epilogue I would like to apologise for the lack of smut. There are reasons:  
> a) I might lose some readers if I move the rating to explicit  
> b) I've never attempted to write smut and I don't want to yet to be honest I mean I'll try in the future sometime  
> c) It didn't fit in with my timescale to attempt to write it
> 
> So, penultimate time: enjoy! <3

The next night, Dean and Cas lay together, side by side only not quite side by side, more side-by-side and mixed and pressed and wrapped and twisted and one, Cas' head resting on Dean's bare chest. Castiel was at Dean's apartment having insisted that yes, a single bed was fine, and no, Gabriel wasn't a psycho who would stab Sam to death on their first date, and yes, they could order pizza, pizza was fine. The pair had eaten and then climbed into bed after stripping to their boxer shorts, Dean pulling the fleecy blankets over them both and tucking Castiel under his chin, smiling happily.  
"Dean?" Cas murmured sleepily, "Dean, I- I really like you. A lot."  
"I really like you too, Cas."  
"I really like being with you."  
"I really like being with you too, Cas."  
"We should do this more often."  
"Yeah, we should." Dean gripped Castiel's waist tighter. "Y'know, Cas, I never thought I'd get this. The whole cuddling thing, with someone good for me - the whole couple relationship thing. I thought I was gonna be by myself forever with a few casual hookups then when I got older I'd just turn into my dad after my mom died. I always thought Sam was gonna be the one with the normal, apple pie, live with a girl and have 2.5 kids and a white picket fence life. I'm- I'm glad you're with me. I'm glad it's you and no-one else."  
"Me too," Castiel replied, then promptly began snoring softly.

* * *

"My, my, Sam, you are definitely as sexy as your voice."  
Sam blushed and let Gabriel into the apartment, laughing whole-heartedly.  
"Hey, Gabe."  
"Hey, hot stuff. Jesus Christ! Were you fed growth pills as a baby? Is your height the only thing that big? I like you already."  
"I like you too, I think," Sam whispered too quietly for the shorter man to hear, shaking his head in amusement at the speed at which Gabriel spoke.

* * *

_Hello, Dean. I know I haven't sent you an ask before, but you sent me so many and I want to return the favour. I think, what I want to say, basically, is last night was great and I really like you and I don't want anyone else so please can we sleep in the same bed every night because I would like that very much and- oh, I'm rambling again. This is the point where you'd interrupt me and tell me to stop, so I will. God, look, I'm even hearing your voice in my head and the point I'm trying to make is I want to hear your voice all the time only not in my head, in real life, and I want to sleep next to you every night and wake up to you every morning and make you breakfast and I know we haven't known each other long but please, Dean, can we move in together?_

**[Reply]**

_Yes. Of course, Cas. Yeah._


	24. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's the end!  
> For the last time... enjoy.  
> More detailed note at the end.  
> Thank you all so much.  
> I love you.  
> For supermishamiga on Tumblr, who inspired this.

_Castiel._  
 _We've been living together for exactly a year now - do you remember when you asked me? Quite literally, like sent me an ask asking me. But anyway, yeah, so we've been living together for a year and it's been a great year. After Sam and Gabriel decided to move into their own apartment too, the house has felt pretty big, but it's great knowing we can do whatever we want without getting disturbed or hearing... noises from their room._  
 _It's been really nice to wake up with your head on the pillow (more often on my chest actually) next to mine; to make you breakfast in the morning with coffee because God knows you can't function properly without your coffee; to wake up to you carrying me to bed after I fall asleep on the sofa waiting for you to get back from your late shifts at work; to find you asleep on the sofa after you've fallen asleep waiting for me to get back from the evening classes that you forced me to take. The last year... it's been the best year of my life._  
 _When we went out for your birthday a few months ago and Gabriel took us to that strip club, I knew. I knew that I didn't want anyone else frigging grinding against you and although moving in together sorta confirmed our- thing, our relationship, I want everyone to know you're mine and I'm not freaking good at this crap, you know I'm not, and you know I hate chick flick moments but I can't see any way I can get around this one and to be honest I don't want to cause I want to do this, I need to do this. I love you._  
 _Cas, will you- will you marry me?_

**[Reply]**

_God Dean, of course I will. I love you. Get back to this house right now; I'm pretty sure Bobby won't mind._

_You owe me a ring._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When I first added the start of this to that Tumblr post, 122 days ago (exactly 4 months), I never imagined it would grow to this. It's not a particularly long fic but it's the first multi-chapter fic I've ever finished and I'm proud of myself, but more than that I'm proud of my readers.  
> Without you guys I never would have had the motivation to finish this. Thank you to all of you, every single one of you that have ever read a word of this or commented or left kudos or subscribed. I want to give special thanks to violette, frostedgoddess, and castielpottergirl who have left comments on every/nearly every chapter and stuck with me since the start on the journey of HBTS.  
> This, hopefully, isn't the end of this version of Dean and Cas. Now I've finished this, I'm going to focus on the GEM 'verse, which I'm hoping will be a lot longer than this fic, so if you want more of my writing you can look at that - but I will add to HBTS eventually, maybe describe the wedding or something for you? I'd also love to do an extended version of this, because there was so much I could have added but the time limit made it hard to do that, and I think I could have written it a lot better. A podfic would be fun to attempt as well!  
> I hope you all enjoyed the fic and again a massive thank you, because I seriously couldn't have done it without you and I'm so happy with the feedback I've gotten.  
> All my love,  
> Molly xxx  
> P.S: You can find me on Tumblr at saveourstarwhales  
> P.P.S: The post that started it all is here: http://saveourstarwhales.tumblr.com/post/61586444689  
> P.P.P.S: Any updates on HBTS will be posted here: http://saveourstarwhales.tumblr.com/tagged/hbts  
> P.P.P.P.S: Reminder that you can find Dean and Cas at angelwingsphotography and sonofap1e, both on Tumblr


	25. Author's Note

Hi!

So it's been a while since I last spoke to you guys, and I just need to ask you all a question. But first, thank you for the kudos and things I've been getting recently from new readers!

Anyway, what I wanted to ask you was: 

The extended edition is in progress. However, I'm debating changing whether Dean has the whole gay crisis thing or whether he's comfortable with his sexuality from the start. What do y'all think - do you think that would change the story too much from the original? It would be awesome to hear your thoughts in the comments.

I also want to add a reminder that if you personally want to see anything - changes, additions, things taken out, more characters (or no changes at all except making it longer!) - then leave that down in the comments too! I want to make the extended edition the best it can be.

Thank you again!

Molly <3


	26. Extended Edition

Hello everyone!!

 

It's been a while :) I'm really happy with the love HBTS has been getting recently, and it's partly for this reason (and partly because I got a new laptop so I can write more) that I've decided to start publishing the extended edition.

I aim to have at least one update a month, which I know is a long time to wait, but I'm super bad with updates - those of you who read my GEM 'verse will know this!! So yeah, I can't promise any updates, but there will be some eventually.

I hope you all really like the extended edition, and you can go and read the prologue now!! It's here: http://archiveofourown.org/works/3064604/chapters/6650315

For those who are still here and reading this, thank you so much - you guys give me the motivation I need to keep writing, and I love each and every one of you. So keep leaving kudos, comments, and bookmarks to let me know if you like the fic ^-^

 

Happy New Year for Thursday! uwu

 

-Molly xxx


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